Monthly Archives: January 2014

TKO

Playing different venues every week means you can never tell how a gig will end up. Even if you’ve played a particular club before and you know its always went well, there is always that chance of the dynamics in the room being wrong, which is trade talk for a cunt in the audience being a cunt. That’s maybe a bit harsh as they might just be being an arsehole. So driving to a gig I always hope that it will go well but you never know. Last night though was the uniquely depressing situation of knowing I was driving to a gig to almost certainly die on my arse.

This was a gig in Invererry that is just by Aberdeen. I mistakenly thought it was in a club in Aberdeen that I had played  before but my fuck up meant at 4.30 pm I discovered it was for a boxing match between Scotland and Norway and I was supposed to be on stage(in the boxing ring) at 8 pm. Driving fast isn’t my thing, mainly because I’ve got a shitey motor that makes it impossible to drive fast, but tearing the arse out of that old Citroen meant I got there in time. There must be something sadistic in the fact I was intentionally speeding to a place were I knew people would hate me.

So I get there and notice some kids are in the audience. I have to mention to the organisers that the word cunt may be used. I’m told no cunt gets using the word cunt in front of young cunts.Cunt’s I think to myself.

So I step into the ring, which has to go down as a weird place to perform in and start my set. I can hear someone shout out “gees a windmill Gary” so possibly a fan in the crowd! Things are going slightly better than I thought they would until I mentioned Rangers and Celtic. Who would have thought 32 people from Coatbridge  would be up there to watch the boxing. As the boos started I decided to bounce off the ropes like a battered boxer, purely for my own benefit.

“a used tae like you” was the last thing I heard as the theme from Rocky started.

Knowing the envelope with my payment had already been stashed in the car meant no awkward moments were I had to become Sleekit Stallone and fight for my money.

The words of encouragement hadn’t ended though as just as I was leaving the building one of the Coatbridge mob  shouted “that’s no the Gary Little a know”.Cheers friend…

So thats my boxing career ended, but I’d rather have a stack of shite gig stories to tell instead of “a stormed this club” tales.

Next week though I will be enjoying myself at the Glasgow Stand! Cheers

http://www.thestand.co.uk/listings/Glasgow?cat=Glasgow

 

Not tonight son

Only the 4th blog and almost at the point of giving it a bye. Maybe me talking a lot of shite is the way forward.

So the end of 2013 ended with a gig at Maggie Mays. To say the crowd were up for a night of comedy would be a ridiculous thing to say. One of those gigs were speaking at 100 miles an hour is the only way no other fucker gets a chance to say something. I then spent the bells at The Glasgow Stand after making a balls up of the night I was supposed to be at.

My pal Funk DVoid ( his da was big Davey DVoid fae Partick) was DJing  at St Jude’s in Glasgow but never having been there I didn’t realise there were 2 clubs. The one for R and shitey B music which I was in the queue for and the other for Techno.It took me a good 2 minutes before I thought” these people don’t look like they’re into Techno!” far too smooth and clean and drug free.

Anyway I fucked off to the Stand before getting the text telling me of my mistake. I went back to the correct club but being totally sober, the reality of an old cunt like me in that club was painful! Brilliant music though.

Got told yesterday my solo show in March has now sold out which is great news. Ive added an extra one on the 23rd. Now I just have to get the material together. I will be taking a leaf out of the DJ’s box by remixing some of my old  material from when no cunt seen me and making it fresh for 2014!

I’m travelling through to Edinburgh tomorrow to do a topical/satirical/political  game show on Scottish Independence. Anyone that knows me will know I do none of those but I’ll be sweating my arse off giving it a go.

http://www.thestand.co.uk/performance/08-01-2014/Edinburgh/AYE-RIGHT-HOW-NO-The-Comedy-Countdown/13575

I’m really hoping that Scotland finally gets Independence this year. It depresses me how much negative,lying shit gets in the media. I just hope people who aren’t sure, take the time to find out the facts.

So I’m hoping the website starts to move up the pages to get on the top with Google. The jail stories need to get bumped out of the top 10!!

I’m also hoping people (nearly said cunts) are actually reading this shite. If I’m getting a brass neck writing  it at least share the fucking pain with me!

Cheers